Randomness from TUES. 1/21/13

Thank You Lord for today. A lot went on even though I didn't do that much. Met with my mentor to finish planning for the week. Went to Dollar General and Just Save/Family Dollar. A LOT went on there...mentally and spiritually. Saw Burgesses, Ms. Valerie Terry (Rocia's mom), Mr. Park. Dedication to teaching/students MUST increase...must. Or else, my students suffer. Bible reading/prayer during this season has to increase as well. Less food, more YOU! Saw Presidential parade on TV, first in my classroom, then when I stopped over at Ms. Earlene Thornton's. I pray for him and his family to be saved/kept safe.

A Vessel...
Janelle

De-programming...

Over the last few years, I've been in agony over a lot of things. I've lived life on autopilot, stressed out, dead in my spirit, just like a zombie-no life. Some things I didn't really stress over though, but they've been lurking around in my mind. One of those things is marriage. Now I've never had a real boyfriend, never been on a real date (unless I count that "relationship" back in college that God told me to leave alone in the first place). But that's never really bothered me. One thing I've been aware of concerning myself is the weird ability to take on other people's realities, especially when it comes to dating/marriage (I've done this in other areas of my life, which has caused me much grief). But back to the situation at hand. I've bought CDs and books, and watched Youtube videos of preachers preach about how God can bring two people together in marriage, what the role of a wife is, how we're supposed to carry ourselves as single women. I've seen the beautiful wedding photos of couples I've never met, and talked to couples I do know about how they met (I do love hearing couples' love stories:)). But for me, I think that has been a hindrance more than a help, because now all I can think of all the scenarios in which God is going to bring me to my husband (or vice versa). Well, no...I shouldn’t say that they’ve been MORE than a hindrance. I’ve learned several lessons by watching and listening (but that’s another post). I'm not obsessed with it (but maybe subconciously, I am...). I don't want to, I don't try to think like this, but those images are there in my mind. I know that "Mr. He"(just made up that name) won't come yet, because God is still preparing me. I don't moan and groan about a husband; I don't ask God "WHYYYYY???" or "WHEEEENNNN?" Why? Because I know God's answer already. I know that I am not ready yet-this isn't the season for that. Some people would say "Don't say you're not ready, God can bring him sooner than you think!," but I know that I know that it's not the right time. I know my relationship with the Lord, and because I've been through some things with the Lord, I know the answers without even asking God the questions aloud.

So now that I've pinponted my issue (I knew that I had this issue of taking on others' lives, but wasn't sure how to name it), I can bring it to the Lord. And I am. Right now.

"Lord, I need to be de-programmed. I don't know all that the de-programming process will involve-my appetite has been suppressed for the past week (not sure if that has anything to do with this process), but Lord...You knew my need even before I came to You. I've been so full of other people's dreams, realities, so full of their own lives, I haven't even realized that You have a life for ME that is totally different from anything that I've ever watched, read or heard. Lord Jesus, please forgive me for not trusting You. Forgive me for not understanding that I am different. Lord, help me to have pure motives when I do things (minister through dance, talk to people, etc.) and not think that "Ohhh...maybe my future husband sees me doing this," that he's in the shadows, waiting to emerge. Maybe he is. But Lord, it's not for me to have these thoughts rolling around in my head all the time! I need and want to trust You, so no more purposefully looking at (single) Christian women books or blogs for a while. It's time to de-program. Show me what You need me to do, Lord, and with the Holy Spirit's help, I'm going to do it. And Lord, I pray for my other SICs (sisters in Christ) who are in the same boat as I am. I pray that they would emerge from the pits of living vicariously through others' lives and rise to let YOU write their stories. In Jesus' name... Amen."

Wisdom and Chocolate Cake

You know, God’s Word has such depth and mouth-watering richness-like grandma’s three-layer chocolate cakes (or coconut...or red velvet-take your pick :-). You can admire the beauty of God’s Word from the outside all you want, but until you get into it, just like with the cake, you find it doesn’t satisfy. For the last few days, (well, the last couple of weeks) I’ve been have trouble really getting into God’s Word. I haven’t had a lot of desire to really get into it. I’ve wanted to dig in, but I haven’t wanted to at the same time, if that makes sense. Blasphemous? Nah, just being honest.

So, I get daily devotionals by e-mail from one of my favorite ladies, and  yesterday (8/29/11),  the devotional indirectly led me to 1 Kings 12. I didn’t want to just start reading the chapter without understand the context, so I did some background research on what the “Kings” are about. It seems that Jeremiah was the author of 1 Kings, and that its purpose is to trace the rise of King Solomon’s leadership after the death of his father David. So after reading all that, I dug in to chapter 12, and I was blown away by the direct parallel of the scriptures to our lives. Basically, the Israelites wanted Rehoboam (King Solomon’s son) to lighten the “heavy yoke” put upon them by his father Solomon now that Rehoboam was king. Rehoboam wisely chose to consult the elders that counseled his father Solomon. The counselors advised him that

“If today you will be a servant to these people and serve them and give them a favorable answer, they will always be your servants.”  (1 Kings 12:7 NIV)

Wise advice right? Do right by the people, and everything will turn out ok. Apparently, Rehoboam didn’t think so. This next turn of events absolutely blew me away. Instead of listening to the wise men who had counseled the WISEST MAN TO EVER LIVE, the scriptures say  “8 But Rehoboam rejected the advice the elders gave him and consulted the young men who had grown up with him and were serving him.” My mouth dropped in genuine disbelief. WHAT? ARE YOU SERIOUS!??!? But you know, I couldn’t be too surprised. Because if I had been Rehoboam, young and immature, I would have done the very same thing-and I have done it. My mom or some other wise person has told me something that will benefit me, and I went and did the opposite. It’s not easy for us to recognize the wise people in our lives all the time. It takes seeking God’s heart and “applying our hearts to wisdom” (Ps. 90:12). There’s nothing like a wise man or woman of God, because those individuals are beacons that show the world that there is another better way, the best way. Instead of following our fleshly desires, there is another law at work-the law of the Spirit which sets us free from the law of sin and death (Romans 8:2).

One final thing: If you’re having difficulty staying focused on God’s Word, be honest with Him about it, and be on the lookout-you never know when you’ll come upon a situation that’ll lead you to the Word and give you a new perspective.

The Dreaded Four-Letter Word

Fear is a seemingly impossible barrier to break through, especially for those of us who've been afraid for so long. Even for those who have never really struggled with deep fear, it is inevitable that you have faced or will have to face something that may be a tiny bit scary for you :) I let unhealthy fear overtake my life to the point where I retreated into myself, afraid to speak up, afraid to have a voice, afraid to live out loud... always worried of what someone would think of me. It got so bad, that I didn't even want to read those “do not fear” scriptures, because they only reminded me of how fearful I was. I still have my struggles with those same fears today, but I see a major difference in my life! I've asked the Lord over and over (and over) to help me overcome, and He is giving me the victory day by day, and even moment by moment.

Today, I was reading Psalm 56 (NLT). It's a passage I've looked over and "read," but today, it really came alive for me. In that text, David had run away from King Saul, and ran right into Philistine territory, where King Achish reigned. The name of the place was Gath, the same place Goliath was from. David was not safe there; he became very afraid because the people found out who he was. They knew he was the one who killed Goliath, and  that he had slain "his tens of thousands" (1 Samuel 21:11 NIV). The Holy Spirit helped me see that David was truly afraid. As great of a warrior as he was, fear struck his heart as he became surrounded by the threats of mere men. I can imagine David talking to himself in this 56^th Psalm, musing over his present situation. But in verse 3, David tells God, “When I am afraid, I will put my trust in you...” and in verse 4, he comes back with the same declaration, but in a different way: “I trust in God, so why should I be afraid?” Verse 11 is a repeat of verse 4, so we see that David was reassuring himself that he did NOT have to fear. He trusted God and praised God for his promises to deliver him. David also declared in Psalm 34:4 (NIV) “I sought the Lord, and he answered me; he delivered me from all my fears.” This is my prayer, that as I continually seek the Lord, He will answer me, and deliver me from all my fears. Is that your prayer today?

Remember: Take Your Medicine!

    I'm pretty sure most of us reading this post have visited the doctor for one reason or another, and had  to  get a prescription for some type of medicine. Depending on the seriousness of the illness, taking certain medicines may make the difference between us getting better, and taking a turn for the worst. Now, even though some of us were given specific instructions to take the medicine, we didn't bother with the stuff, because we're just plain hardheaded. Others of us took the medicine and found out that it made us feel worse. And still, some decided that we didn't "need that much of it," and took it at our own discretion.
    I know this may not apply to you, but as for me, I sometimes treat God's Word this way. I know it's the medicine that Dr. Jesus prescribed for me, to comfort me when I'm sad, hurting, distressed, or to remind me that I should always be full of joy in the Lord! But I don't always take it. When things are going well, or even when I feel sad and depressed in my spirit, I may not always "take my medicine" like I should. (Again, this  may not be you, maybe I'm the only one who experiences this:) The enemy knows what things will keep us from staying true to the Word, and those "things" will continue to come at us until we decide to put on our whole armor and fight back! 1 Peter 5:8 tells us to "Stay alert! Watch out for your great enemy, the devil. He prowls around LIKE a roaring lion, seeking whom he may devour." We have to be aware of the enemy lies set up to keep us from going forward in the Lord! So just know this: It's always a good idea to take your "meds," even if you don't think you're getting better. The results of the medicine working are not always apparent right away, but if you follow Doctor's orders, you will come out better in the end. :)